Sunday, 18 September 2016
Monday, 12 September 2016
capitalists pitching business ideas in china:
we can't own natural wonders. no one can buy a snow mountain or raging waterfall or the bluest of blue lagoons, but, and hear me out, what if we privatise the access to these locations. what if we buy the land around it and put a fence 3km away from X, and subject everybody to take our transport? the public will enter through our land which cost $$$, then take our bus directly to X which is $$$, if they want to do more activities or move within the vicinity they take our carts generating $$$. forget the locals and native land dwellers, they can pay too. i'm sure they don't pay for much else. wait that's savage, i'm so savage sorry. we can give the locals half price tickets one day a year provided they registered as a local at least one year prior. what do you say fellow business partners? i got five mistresses and 20 government officials trying to extort money from me so i need this project in motion immediately.*characters and incidents portrayed above are fictitious. no identification with actual persons, places, buildings is intended or should be inferred.
Saturday, 3 September 2016
this is the first time i have seen the great wall of china on a clear day. i remember thinking all the previous times i have been: that the wall was just a set built an hour out of beijing with permanent fog pumped by a machine covering the rest up. things that shocked me upon actually being able to see more than a few bricks:
- much green, so green, very green
- these bricks are not original (however if you keep walking as far as your feet will take you the rocks become ancient, and you'll need to hold on to life with every step up or down as the mountains slope on 70 degree angles more often than necessary; literally rock climb)
- the wall extends and curves and scales every mountain top within sight (achingly magnificent and breathtaking, especially when you're unfit, out of water, and have to get back to your ride)
- rubbish everywhere (bring a giant trash bag on your climb if you can)
- water is sold with an 1000% mark up on the wall (which is 10 RMB/1.5 USD for a bottle instead of 1 RMB/0.15 USD)
- not 100% sure how mark ups work, is that really a 1000% mark up?
there are many sections of the wall across china that can be visited, this section is mutianyu. i wasn't planning to visit the great wall at all (one can only be disappointed so many times by a wonder of the world) but this was so. damn. cool. now i really want to visit all the other sections before our evil earth friend erosion does.
do not enter via badaling (crowded af)
do not enter via a 'main entrance' (expensive af)
do not forget water (thirsty af)
Thursday, 1 September 2016
Thursday, 28 April 2016
Thursday, 17 March 2016
i was too young when i realised conceptual art was bullshit. it began ten weeks before a sunday. the teacher said, 'do some conceptual art, bitches, so i can keep my job and abundant holiday allowance.'
fast forward to the day before my assignment is due, i wake up in a panic. i go wake my dad up in a panic. 'you have to take me to bunnings*, please!' i sound like i have an irrational love for building supplies. my dad looks at me, his eyes hurt with betrayal—sunday is the only day he let's himself sleep until 9 and i have woke him up at 7. 'it's for school, i left it last minute!' he obliges because i'm his only daughter and i could begin my teen rebellion at any moment.
'$12!? why are spray cans so expensive?' my dad is shocked and asks me why i don't just use a 2B pencil. i'd like to note at this point in my life, i had not a clue how much money adults made, so when my dad gasped at its expense, i took that as a 'we are getting the minimum amount required for this 'art' project despite me happily throwing away $50 for your half-hour piano lessons** over four unfruitful years.'
i pick*** 'red, because it's the colour of blood and suffering and all things deep artistically, and... black, because that's the colour of blood after oxidation.' my dad nods in approval. he gets id-ed at check out because he looks so young. (one time a lady on our block told my mum she had three fantastic kids, when my mum answered she only had two, they never spoke again.)
i get home and take a canvas from the garage, i line the drive way up with newspapers. how hard can this be? i'm holding the black spray paint canvas facing, just as i'm applying pressure to the nozzle, i suddenly realise i don't even know what i'm going to spray? what do i want the world to know? what is my legacy? a shape? a word? a— too late. the first blob appeared on the canvas. it's heavy and drips when i tilt the frame. great, now i have to spray this whole canvas to cover that up.
five minutes later: an utter mess. on some parts the paint cover everything, while other areas are thin enough you can still see the white of the canvas. i laugh at my own work. i grab the red can and spray a blob on the lower left third to create a composition. the fumes are getting to me, and my parents want me to clean up the drive way so they can back the car out for church. let's call this a day. 9:30 am. not bad.
the next day i hide my work behind the other pieces due to embarrassment. i don't even put my name on it. i think it's better not to get a grade then to be graded for whatever monster i created.
you know what happened?
weeks later my teacher is combing through the year level wondering who made that. i thought i was going to be in trouble. he's going through all the classes. i don't own up. i'm terrified of getting a fail even though i put absolutely no effort in it. the second time around he says 'whoever painted that isn't in trouble, if that's your concern.' the magic words that bring immunity to a high school student. i raise my hand and finally own up to it.
only now i had to prove it was mine by describing the piece he had been asking about for a week in extreme detail. i did. he accepted.
and you know what happened?
he said he really loved the piece and wanted the school board to buy it for $$$. i was speechless. i thought i was going to lose it. what. the. fuck. i was so mad they wanted to buy the shittest thing i ever made. i wanted to punch a wall then put a label underneath the mark:
she mad, 2005
fist, performance art
yet like all
great artists averagely average teens... i took the money.
* an oz version of home depot
** seriously though, shout out to asian parents who never go out to eat or buy new clothes for themselves so they can provide learning opportunities they didn't have for their kids
*** i chose spray paints because they are like ready to go paints, it's always ready and there's no mess in storage (this is not spray paint sponsored i was genuinely sick of spending time on paintings. i got things to do, man)
Wednesday, 2 March 2016
Wednesday, 17 February 2016
Monday, 15 February 2016
Thursday, 29 October 2015
my soul left hong kong two years ago but it still often comes up in conversation, usually with me saying 'yeah it was crazy' without further explanation followed by a credit length run of [uncomfortable laughter and/or short spasms] as the person i'm talking to tries to figure out if i'm sincere or deranged. tell me this isn't crazy:
- working 48 hours straight, finally breaking down at 3am and hailing a cab home in tears. only to repeat the same thing the next deadline. worst is when you try to find solace in others they will out-work you like 'well i worked 118 hours this week/haven't eaten since monday/fucked up a billion dollar sale' not even kidding.
- hiking to the infinity pool in man cheung po, it was crazy/beautiful.
- walking into a $$$ drug deal and the buyer pretending i was his friend so the dealer wouldn't murder me. juan de ablo (the fake name juan de ablo who clearly looked more like a 'dante' or 'levi' gave) probably wouldn't have murdered me because he also carried pizza deliveries on his vespa. people with vespas take you on romantic dates through the cobblestones of rome before convincing you to take the place of their singing collaborator at the italian music awards and despite what was sabotage, helps you actualise the confidence you have within.
- going to all the concerts phoenix/jamesblake/justin bieber/every other musician who landed in hong kong because one of my greatest friends was always given free tickets by his superiors to compensate how little he was paid for his actual job.
- being genuinely joyful and laughing on shoots with diane von fursteberg, olivier rousting, and other super inspirations i met.
- allowing a girl i crossed paths with once to crash at my apartment for the night. she ended up staying for four days, taking my headphones and a few hundred dollars when she reluctantly left. months later police call in and i find out she's a homeless runaway amongst other things (terrible things) (terrible terrible terrible things).
- have you ever been to mongkok on a saturday? 'yeah, crrrrrrrrazy.'
- falling sick for three months.
- spending several consecutive days on a yacht with a friend island hopping. it was like groundhog day, some days we picked up his acquaintances at central pier but would do the exact same things, visit the same places, eat the same food, at the same time. lots of writers and investors talking scripts and real estate, and when they didn't have anything else to say they would ask me if i have ever thought about dating someone the age of my dad and being able to travel wherever i want without financial worry. which prompted me to throw up overboard and give an answer at the same time.
- rats and cockroaches everywhere/running over your feet most days.
- being cyber bullied by a then 28-year-old kindergarten teacher who majored in psychology or something that makes you think she isn't mentally unstable. i've never met her. i got messages from her through every channel on the internet. who cyber bullies someone 10 years younger than them? who cyber bullies aimee??? i pick up rubbish at the beach and eat rice??? i'm just a kid??? this experience was so traumatizing i couldn't stomach anything for days.
- have you seen pictures of hong kong?
- chilling with michelin star chefs and making food for them after they fed me some of the most amazing wonders on earth.
- i was playing basketball. i tripped. my knee got hurt. then infected. i ended up going to hospital a week later, chauffeured in a maybach belonging to a stranger who heard from the restaurant table next to mine that my knee was purple and gold and starting to accumulate moss-like substance. he came after my friend and i as we left halfway through the meal, 'you should take my car' and signaled for his driver to pull up in front of us before disappearing behind the noren.
unless this happens to everyone and i'm just a wide-eyed country bumpkin who's simple and plain and loves Jesus and thinks this is crazy.